Disclaimer: Definitely not for reading pleasures of the Twilighters. Don't say I didn't warn you guys. All the credits (and critics as well) goes to laughingsocks711.
My name is Della Fawn. I'm so pale and got dark hair that makes me look even paler like paper. I recently moved to Spoons, Washington. It's always cloudy and rainy there.
I walked up to father who was a rookie policeman, really he only brings the policemen donuts. He is a former famous all-star basketball player. Well, in his own mind. He recently got released from that asylum, and he thinks he used to be a famous basketball player. Now whenever we pass teens at basketball practice he tries to autograph their ball and ends up getting kicked out of the gym by the angry coach. (Apparently he used a sharpie and the balls were rentals.)
He said to me that he got me my very own car. I screamed out "WAHOO! LOOKOUT WORLD ITS DELLA AND I'VE GOT MY VERY OWN CAR! WASSUP!!!!!!!"
I looked out the window to see a shopping cart with a firecracker attached to the back. "Do you like it Della?"
"Do I like it? I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!" Omg everyone at school is gonna be so jealous that I have my own shopping cart and all they have are Italian Sports cars and convertibles, well I assumed. It was my first day and I didn't know nothing about the cars there. How embarrassing would it be if I showed up with the same shopping cart as someone else! YAH!
I hopped in the cart and my daddy was about to light the firecracker but I then remembered the doctor said he CANNOT PLAY WITH FIRE!
"GIVE. ME. THE MATCH."
"BUT- I WANNA LIGHT IT! Fine, here."
He handed me the flamed match and I applied it to the firecracker. Hey wait how do I steer? TOO LATE! I blasted out of the driveway and zoomed forward up the driveway across the street and smashed into their garage.
I got my face unstuck from the garage door and looked for my Dad for him to help me. But I could clearly see he was already back inside the house eating one of the donuts he was supposed to save for work.
Now how would I get to school? My shopping cart was destroyed!
Suddenly, a kid who was younger than me pulled up on a motorcycle.
"Hey you!" The kid shouted.
"Who me?" I shouted.
"Yeah you!" He shouted.
"What?" I shouted.
"Why are we shouting, we're standing right next to each other?" He shouted.
"Riiiiight." I said trying to act smooth because DAMN he was hot.
"Remember me? I'm Flakub! We used to eat mud together!"
"Flake! Oh yeah! Those were the days."
"That was yesterday."
"Need a lift?"
"I'll always take a ride with a hot were-wolf like you!"
"You know my secret?!"
"Nothing. Hop on."
He drove me to school and I went inside and he left. I went to my class and sat next to this UBER-PALE but also freakin' handsome kid.
"sup." I said nonchalantly.
"SUGAR HONEY ICE TEA! What is that smell!"
"What? Come on I know I haven't showered in 11 days and I ate mud yesterday and don't own a toothbrush and I only have one pair of underwear and I left all my deodorant in Arizona but I don't smell that bad!"
"Ugh. You stay on THAT side of the table, and I'll be over here. No. Further, go way over to that side!"
Later at lunch I sat down next to the most popular girl in school and said, "Hey Jess. So I was thinkin-" I didn't get to finish my sentence because she already got the jocks to throw me across the lunchroom next to these other people.
"I'm Della. Who are you?"
"K so Bibi. Who are they?" And I pointed to that rude guy's table with his posse.
"Those are the Killens. They only hang with themselves so don't bother. That's Casper, Malice, Nose-alie, Phlegmmet, and Deadward."
"DEADWARD IS HOT!"
"Shut up! YAH he's gorgeous but looks like he can hear you with his ultra-ears. Don't tell anyone I said this, but-"
"SHHH! We think they're vampires!"
"HAHAHHAHA jk girlfriend jk. I almost had you going."
"They ain't vampires?"
I walked over to the lunch line and tried to inconspicuously steal an apple, but Deadward grabbed it and threw it on the ground where it smashed into apple-sauce.
"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"
"I kinda thought it would bounce off my shoe and land in my hands."
"We're gonna get married and be a vampire couple and have a baby half-human half-vampire!"
"Nothing! I SAID NOTHING! Nothing! So..."
"I'm not immune to kryptonite. Think- I am the bad guy not the good guy."
"I didn't say anything about kryptonite."
"Yeah I know but you're really slowing up the story so I went ahead."
"Alright. You're in a mask! It's a disguise!"
"How did you know!"
He took off his mardi-gras mask and looked at me.
"Meet me in the forest Della, tomorrow."
"KK. Now look I don't smell that bad, why did you scoot away?"
"I will tell you everything tomorrow in the forest."
Note: Guys leave some comments k. If got lots of feedback, I might consider posting the sequel to this parody.
xoxo Ravern Ava Vermount